Thursday, May 31, 2012

Six Letters

cancer...six letters...

cancer....a few points on a Scrabble game board....

cancer...a birth zodiac sign.....

cancer....takes on a powerful life force all it's own when hearing the words coming out of a doctor's mouth....it will pull the floor from under your feet....you'll feel as if you've been gut punched

the room will spin....

you'll wonder if you're still standing...

you'll see people moving and talking but you won't hear them...

you won't even know if you're still breathing....

you just stand and stare and hear the words inside your head "oh no...oh no...please don't let this be"

for the first time ever I watched as tears rolled down my husbands face five years ago today....

"stage 4 throat cancer, this will be the fight of your life....you'll need to take at least a year off work...
I'll see you soon when they've scheduled surgery...."

the doctor walked away...then stopped...looked back over his shoulder and locked eyes with me...

I had the definite feeling he was telepathically telling me to "hold on, this is going to be rough"...

later, I would change that feeling to him sending up a prayer..."God, help these people, give me the ability to help them"

I did two things that day when I got home....

Cancer had declared war on my husband's body and our lives together....

if we were going down..it would be like everything else in our lives...it was going to be together.

First:
I called Carla, the most Christian woman I know to ask for her to pray for Steve,
I needed help....I thought because Carla was such a strong Christian woman God would hear her and answer....

I've learned...He hears us all....He's just waiting for us to ask.

Second:
I went to the Internet....not for knowledge of this type of cancer...

I was looking for survivors....I needed to know that there were people out there who had traveled the road that was ahead of us and they made it...

Steve and I didn't know what the future would hold, we didn't know the life changing experience that was to come.

I wouldn't wish Cancer on my worst enemy...I would however, wish for everyone the lessons we've learned, the blessings we've received.

I'm not going to spend time writing of the details of cancer and it's treatments....
Cancer took enough days, months, years that I feel if I spend any time talking about it I've let it back into our life...and today, as I type this Steve is cancer free. His doctor has declare him "cured".

I would like to share with you the gifts and lessons this experience brought to our relationship.
How our lives changed, how we now choose to live, how difficult times in life will result in the greatest gifts and lessons that forever change and enrich our lives.

tomorrow I'm going to post and share with you those lessons & changes.....

and then Steve and I are going to drive to the mountains....and then the desert.....

because we're still here,

living and enjoying our life together     







     

9 comments:

Sherri B. said...

I simply do not know how I would have gotten through the cancer diagnosis of our precious daughter, had it not been for my faith in Jesus. He got me through every day...He would not let me get too near that edge, the edge where I would have totally lost it.

You learn real fast just how much faith you really have. xo

Kara said...

My prayers are with you! Thank you for sharing this post. It actually helped me and gave me insight that I needed. We are here if you need us.

Judy @ daily yarns said...

What a beautiful post! I'm so happy for you and your husband and I look forward to reading more posts.

Leah said...

i love you guys both so much! Steve is a living miracle and Zoe is so lucky to have her grandpa for many years to come....xoxoxox ps got a great video of zoe walking will send tomorrow!!

JuJu said...

I've been waiting patiently for June 1st. I feel so darn lucky to have found you through Cyber Land.

I can't begin to imagine what the two of you felt in that doctor's office.

Bless you and bless Steve. I look forward to the post tomorrow.

Mereknits said...

You have made me cry, I am so happy for both of you. Cancer took my brother, 20 years ago. It mad my Mother lose her right breast and 11 years ago it took my breath away when I was diagnosed with stage 2 Hodgkin's Disease. The Doctor told me I would be fine, but I still felt like someone had hit me with a shovel. I had two very little boys and my brother was gone from Lymphoma. I am here, it was a looooong journey but I am here. Now three of my dear friends are fighting for their lives and I am speechless again at what Cancer can do. Bless you both.
Meredith

opportunityknits said...

Giving thanks for Steve's recovery! My good friend has just found out that she has stage 1-2 breast cancer. Starting chemo soon. Really want to know how to be there for her. Will be reading your coming post.

Spare Parts and Pics said...

Definitely a time for celebration. I can't believe it was 5 years ago today... a dark time, but you guys have come through with flying colors!

sherri s. said...

Oh, gigantic congrats to your husband (and to you!)...I'm in Year 6, approaching Year 7, yay! On that 5-year mark, you feel as if a giant anvil has been lifted off of your heads! I too live every day to the fullest--life truly is a gift, as are those who have been by our sides as we travel through what my husband and I dubbed Cancerland. It changes you forever. Happy thoughts to you both!